Comi la luz

Comer la luz

• Literal translation: To eat the light
• Puerto Rico Translation: To run a red light

Comi la luz. Those who have studied a language will note that the verb is different. A change in verb congugation tells us who performed the action. Who ran the light? In this case, it was me. Yo comi la luz. I ran a red light. Let's try a more complicated one now.

La imajen del espejo retrovisor me dijo que yo tenia problemas.

• Literal translation: The image in the rear-view mirror told me that I had problems.
• Puerto Rico Translation: @#*(%#&* it's a cop.

Which of the "fight or flight" instincts won? Neither. I couldn't move OR breathe. Mother nature you get a big FAIL. My vegetarian friend later said that I was as white as a sheet. I believe it. Somehow my car ended up on the side of the road with my window rolled down.

La policía me habló. The cop strolled up to my window and started talking (no this is NOT an exact translation of the previous sentence). Started talking, that is easy to understand. What he was saying? Hells bells if I know. El vegitariano (as I will henceforth call my vegetarian friend) looked at me and (in Spanish, of course) said “KATIE, your LICENSE”. Reality check. Breathing initiated.

Hablé con la policía. I looked at the cop and said apologetically (in Spanish, of COURSE). “I am so sorry, I speak Spanish but not perfectly. I am from Wisconsin. My friend is helping me”. I proceeded to dig for my license. In the meantime the cop and el vegitariano have a brief and serious chat about the GPS and its distracting qualities. Their conversation ended with the cop asking – so, you’re from here? You’re teaching her how to get around? El vegitariano le dijo que si (El vegitariano told him yes).

Let’s pick apart the previous conversation (and simultaneously thank my lucky stars for gaps in communication). Sure, my friend is helping me. Helping me visit the best beaches in PR. Helping me learn how to cook with platanos. Helping me understand what crazy Puerto Rican cops say when they speak quickly with an insane accent? Yes, he’s helping with that. Helping me learn my way around???? Hahaha. Nope, that’s not on the list.

But that’s what the cop thought. And that’s why he walked away without even looking at my license. And that’s why I didn’t get a $250 fine, which is the PR standard for comiendo la luz.

I NEVER thought that I’d find myself in a situation here (where my life goal is to eliminarlos) actually appreciating the gaping holes in my Spanish language skills. Hurrah for irony. Hurrah for close calls and cost avoidance.