KJ and the Flat Tire Curse

KJ and the Flat Tire Curse - sounds like a book series, doesn't it? Well, with my history of flat tire stories somebody could make a novel out of me. Let's tack on flat tire #4 and #5 in the last year - here's today's edition:

Yesterday, the road bit Pitufo. Today, I got stuck with the clean up. Remember the craters in the pavement that I told you about? I wasn't joking!!! I was stopped at an intersection and some guy in the car next to me signaled for me to roll down my window. He started pointing and talking, in all forms of communication saying "Crazy lady, stop driving!! Your tire is FLAT". Freaking out is a hard language to misinterpret, so I pulled over to a nearby bus stop to evaluate the situation. Flat.

I've had this car for less than a week! As far as flat tires go, this is BAD timing. I've been driving on the "PR mandatory" insurance policy because we just swapped the car to me and I still have to get to the DMV to get them to do the official paperwork in my name. If I had one more day, I would have had roadside assistance at my beck and call. But I didn't. Instead I had a creepy dirty lady come over and ask if I wanted help.

Was it the creepy dirty part or the lady part that made me say no? You be the judge. Maybe I stereotype. She walked off, and I opened my trunk and started moving stuff over to get to the spare...that I assumed would be there. Up meanders another offer for help. A tall skinny dude. I said ok. Really, what other choice did I have?? I know how to change a flat on my car at home, but with this new one, I couldn't even get the hub cap off!! He recruits a screwdriver from a random passerby and proceeds to swap my sadly broken tire for the spare. The spare is a bit low on air, but no big thing. Hero of the day, right? I thought so...for a moment.

I looked up to him to say thanks when I saw it - a tattooed tear under his eye. He's a freaking gang murderer. (My brain:WFT, WTF, WTF). Then he asked for money as a thank you. I explain that I don't have cash, but I could write him a check. He doesn't have an account. He asks again for money. (My brain:WFT, WTF, WTF). He tells me to follow him and we'll go to pharmacy to get my check changed to cash. AGHHHH! I locked Pitufo and followed him, thanking my lucky stars every step of the way that it was broad daylight. After walking five blocks or so, we get to the pharmacy and who is there waiting? Creepy dirty lady... his GIRLFRIEND. (In any other story, I'd say"oh shoot me now" but in a story like this, you just can't say that!).

Apparently these two are not allowed into the pharmacy, because they stood in the doorway and ushered me inside, all the while shouting to the check out ladies what I needed to do. I explained my situation at the checkout and got escorted to talk to a guy working in the back. He was sincerely helpful, guided me to give no more than $10 as a thank you, and then offered to walk me back to my car when I told him the guy that helped me scares the #(*#@*($# out of me. Ding Ding Ding! The first offer of the day I happily accepted.

On the way back to my car Good Guy tells me that Gang Murderer is a well known criminal in the city, a very very bad man. Shocking. We get back to Pit and see...another flat tire. The spare was low on air when we left, but not flat. Now. it's. flat. Flat tire #5. This is my life.

Good Guy was clearly book smart on changing flats, but happily accepted my help with things like... using the jack and removing the lug nuts (hahaha, just those small little things). I locked Pit and we wheeled the spare down the sidewalk to a cute restaurant where Good Guy had me wait (and told the cooks to feed me anything I wanted) while his buddy took my tire to get it adequately pumped up. Good Guy came back, my tire came back, and we returned to Pit where I taught him how to put the tire back on (I couldn't sit on the ground and hold the tire in place with my dress pants on.... I'm really glad he played along). I was all set! He then proceeded to stop traffic so I could back out and gave me a little wave goodbye as he walked back to the pharmacy. REAL hero of the day. I drove off in a daze of disbelief, laughing and gasping. This is my life.